I keep reading all these news reports about how horrible things are with the snow and the cold, and how miserable everyone is and how nobody can wait until spring arrives. You’d think that this was the very first time we’ve ever experienced this season known as winter before. It’s almost like the entire season sort of snuck up on us and gave us all a collective donkey punch to the back of the head or something. It’s not like we all live in thatched huts or sod houses anymore where the weather this time of year could literally kill you—no, practically all of us here in the US of A live in pretty sweet conditions, sheltered from the elements quite effectively. Moreover, the people that work outdoors for a living aren’t the ones I keep hearing complain either—those hardy souls sort of take the weather in stride. It’s almost like they know that when it gets cold outside they should put hats and gloves on, then move out smartly. The people I hear bitching about the cold are the people who rarely venture out into it. I wonder why that is?
Anyway, in six months I’ll be listening to these same people bitching about how oppressively fucking hot it is and that green house gasses are melting the upper mantle of planet Earth.
On Orwell’s Animal Farm:
I’m having flashbacks from ShevaCon a few years back.
I suspect that there might have been more than a few alcoholic beverages involved with the filming of this video.
Pelosi has long been known to be special.
I have heard that not only does she tend to make things she is involved in worse, she has also managed to raise at least some of her kids to be the same way.
Since her district elected her before, why would they change that now?
Since she was elected to leadership positions before, why should that change now?Continue reading
Some actor just died in an apparent drug overdose and was found today with a needle in his arm at his exclusive apartment in Manhattan. From what I read this guy won many critical awards, received accolades and was some sort of big deal—at least among those card-carrying members of the Screen Actors Guild. Oh, his name was Philip Seymour Hoffman—and no, I’d never heard of his name before today but I guess he had a great impact and dedicated his life to his art. He was so profoundly impactful that I had completely never heard of him—so he must have been brilliant.
After I saw the story in the news they posted photographs of the guy—which I did in fact recognize. So he must of been one of those really important supporting actors whose face everyone recognizes, but nobody really knows who the fuck they are. You know—a true renaissance man and a leader within the thespian community. This is one of those people so completely dedicated to his craft that he wouldn’t sell out and cheapen it for something as pedestrian as “fame” or “celebrity.” This guy was fucking artist! Which was clearly demonstrated by the fact that he wouldn’t debase himself by using drugs that simple proles dally in. No sir, he did not use something so dreary as cocaine or marijuana. This man tapped into his creative juices through the medium of heroin. Which up until recently had served him very well.
So now he is gone, and I’m sure I’ll be seeing all sorts of posts honoring his memory on Facebook—where all proper and touching eulogies ultimately find their home.
Because fuck you Al Gore that’s why.
So wait, here’s the setup—an interview by Jon Stewart with the House Minority Leader, Granny McPoopypanties:
Does this withered old hag truly believe that “I don’t know” and “It’s not my responsibility” will answer the mail for the American people? Since when are she and her fucking vile, bloodsucking compatriots in the Democratic Party free from responsibility—particularly for the legislation that they wrote and campaigned for? How does she think that she’s off the hook for unleashing Hippocratic Armageddon on the Republic? What the fuck?
Is she retarded? Is she an evil genius and her supporters are retarded? Is she retarded and her supporters are evil geniuses? Or are she and her legions of bed-wetting mouth-breathers both equally retarded? I’m just trying to make sense of all of this.
Attempting to analyze this and make sense of it all is giving me a migraine.
Screw it. I’m just going to post pictures of girls for BLT.
Sure… why the hell not?
I’m going to retire to my basement to sharpen my knives and get drunk.
I know many of our readers here at JBM are very busy and as such, were probably not able to watch the president deliver the State of the Union Address. For those of you who were not able to see it let me offer up an executive summary for you.
My fellow Americans,
Blah, blah, blah, blah… Republicans are gay chicken-fuckers… blah, blah, blah, blah… Income Disparity and Redistribution—for the children and fairness and whatnot… blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… fucking fuck those congress-fuckers—I’m the president so fuck you!.. blah, blah, blah blah.
Blah, blah, blah, blah… Bush’s fault… blah, blah, blah… the economy is getting better, as I’ve been saying for that last five years, but I’m going to totally focus on it this time and make the middle class all super mega-rich and shit (the poor? crickets… crickets…)... blah, blah, blah… wymen’s rights… blah, blah, blah… rich people are greedy fuckers who need to pay their fair share (unless they donate to the Democratic party, then wink, wink, nod, nod…)... blah, blah, blah.
Let me take this opportunity to recognize an Army Ranger (RLTW!) and use this bona fide hero as a prop for cheap applause.
(Real American Hero graciously and humbly accepts the well-deserved recognition)
(Obama gets bored with the hero getting more applause than himself)
Blah, blah, blah… the troops are awesome (but I will totally sign the bill into law cutting their COLA and pay them and the retirees less)... blah, blah, blah.
Thank you. Oh, and Republicans totally suck ass.
P.S. I forgot the Republican response. So here you go…
Obama’s like totally wrong and stuff. We can totally do a healthcare bill too. Oh and we like the idea of granting amnesty to those hardworking undocumented workers.
Oh, and the Tea Party is gay!
Fuck those racist nazi Tea Party fucks!
If you believe the government it’s just under 7% (which still sucks by the way), and if you believe this article it’s over 37%! That higher (astronomically higher) rate is consistent with all the reports we’ve been seeing about the number of families on food stamps, the number of people paying (or not paying) federal income taxes, and other economic indicators such as the purchase of durable goods and participation in the stock market.
I’m not saying that the government is lying to us… no, wait, yes I am. They are bald-faced lying to us about this and a legion of other things. Want to know what the rate of inflation is? Don’t ask the government—they keep cooking the books and changing the Consumer Price Index to make the picture look much rosier than it really is.
With all the scandals, cover-ups, half-truths and overt lies… when the hell are we going to start holding our government accountable?
The Environmental Protection Agency has been in cahoots with several environmental activist organizations to target you—dear citizen. You see, since you don’t live in a cave and embrace the hunter/gatherer lifestyle, then you are an unfeeling neo-fascist pig that must be controlled by organs of the government. Hell, pretty soon you won’t even be able to burn wood to heat your home anymore since the EPA is cracking down on that as well.
It’s a fine mess we’re in.
Dude enters the gun control debate, gets a bunch of angry (and some are quite well written, researched and articulated) responses, so being the liberal bed-wetter that he is, plays the “you didn’t read what I wrote so you’re dumb and I’m a victim!” card.
What a pussy.
Grow some balls motherfucker. If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
(H/T The Sipsey Boys)
How she is on TV rather than featured on People of Walmart is beyond me.
Perhaps she’s brilliant on her TV show—I wouldn’t know, because I’ve never watched it, but my senses are constantly assailed by her less-than-appealing image on my beloved internet. She isn’t the most unattractive woman I’ve ever seen—but she does make me lose my appetite. For living.
Let us hope that her fifteen minutes are almost up.
P.S. If you have no idea who I am talking about I envy you. Rejoice, your world is a much brighter place because of it.